Damage Done

Well...
After ytd's encounter, I somehow lost my direction.
Is this the way I wanted? I wished for? I'm heading towards?
I dun know...
Yes, he's still that nice... that good...that usual...
but still damage has been done & compensation seem way too little to ease the pain.
It's a crack...a crack that we need to repair... a crack from our master piece which took us years to build...
No one knows if it's goanna take us a life time to touch up...
I'm tired...
Too tired to be under the prime...everything u do... every word u speak... every little move...people quote you...people cross ref to... people follow...people talk abt...
I'm just too tired. As tired as my legs are feeling after so many years of super high heels...
I should be excited now...able to see him once again tmr, after such a long time...i should be over the moon...
But NO...I'm NOT...NOT @ ALL in anyway interested.
Tue, hotdate sounds so irritating...so dead...
I feel restless... not motivated...
I always know the COST to date such high profile guy but little did I know I weigh that light. Lighter den a feather...
People are telling me, saying that I'm too nice... too nice too nice that i lost my identity...
I dun know...
I see amber now...
& if I dun turn up for tmr's hot date...it simply means I've decided to break for the Red.
For those who knows the way I drive, u will all know 10 out of 10 times I'd accelerate for amber... how funny to go for the break pedal?

I dun know... & I'm leaving it to my heavenly father.
I'm going to bed now... I'll have the answer when I wake up.